Tomorrow is the Fourth of July and I'll be alone.  With the twins.  Again. I really really hate that Tim misses all of these holidays and that I don't have any really close, close friends or family here.  It makes it so hard. Ugh.  It's been so freaking hot lately too and that just makes it harder to have the kids outside for very long periods of time.


I'm trying to decide if I should bring them to the parade(s) or not tomorrow.  We live in this city and I need to start doing more with them in town.  I need to get out of this crazy down slump I've been in and be out and about more with my kids.


I feel like all I do is whine anymore.  Poor, poor me.  Well shit...how do I stop?  This is not how I want my marriage to be.  I want to BE with my husband and have him home with his family.  It just really sucks.

One month to 41

How the hell is it June 22nd already? We're halfway through the year 2012.  What've I done this year?  Sold some jewelry, lost some weight, battled depression and loneliness. Played with the twins a lot.  Met a few new people...most that I really like.


I know one thing for sure:  I did NOT think Tim would still be doing heavy haul . It sucks.  I miss him.  I MAKE MYSELF remind myself and the kids every day about how awesome their daddy (my hubby) is and how, in some way, the time away is worth it.


But it's not. I miss my husband.  I'll be 41 a month from today. With 2 year old twins.  BAHAHAHAHA. Oy vey!


I miss Bethany.  I worry about her all of the time.  I worry she's not eating right, sleeping enough, working too hard, not taking enough time to just sit back and enjoy the little things in life.  I wonder if she'll ever find "love" or someone that she can really connect with.  


I really feel like something BIG is coming by the end of the year...I wish I could identify what it was or what it pertained to.  I HOPE that it's Tim finding a local job so that we can have a somewhat "normal" day-to-day life.  I HOPE that my jewelry really takes off.  I HOPE that we all remain healthy and lively.


That's a lot to hope for, no?

Life is so crazy lately.  Between jewelry, Isagenix, the twins, the hubby, trying to feel better from this last bout of being sick...I just feel very whelmed.


I LOVE being a mom.  I love being a wife too...I just want a break, a down day, a whole day devoted to just me lol.  Wait...isn't that Mother's Day?  When is that again?  Soon...I think. I doubt Tim will be here though. Figures.


I had to tell one of my very best friends that I found out her boyfriend and father of her youngest was cheating on her.  Very upsetting to have to do that...I wondered if I did the right thing.  Now I know I did the right thing.  I wouldn't've been able to live with myself if I hadn't've told her.  


Amazing thing this beautiful occurrence we call "life".  All the ups, downs, ins and outs.

The first of many...

I've been wanting to journal for quite some time now.  Not sure if I want this to be public or not, but, we'll see.


I'm changing. A lot. I LOVE how I'm feeling lately and I owe it all to Isagenix and sticking with it. I feel like I need more ME time too.  The Ls will be going over to a neighbor's house one morning a week starting this week.  We had an awesome 2nd bday celebration with them this weekend.  They are so stinking adorable!


Timmy is on the road again.  I miss being a work widow...I know that sounds  odd , but it's true. When he's gone for more than a few days, I get into a "groove" of sorts and it just seems to work.  Don't get me wrong, I love when he's home frequently...I just miss my ME time sometimes. Ok, a lot of times. :)


I'm in a local Mommies group on Facebook and feel like a complete outsider.  I've had social anxiety for a few years now (which is odd for anyone that has known me for any length of time). I WANT to be accepted there.  I don't NEED it.  I just want it...I want to develop a good friendship with my peers and I miss having someone I can confide in.  It'd just be nice to SHARE things with a woman friend.  


That sounds so dumb when I write it.